Aggression in children can be a difficult and distressing experience for parents. Tantrums, shouting, or physical reactions such as hitting or kicking can occur in children of different ages and for different reasons. Understanding the sources of aggression and teaching your child alternative ways of expressing emotions is key to dealing with this challenge. Here is a guide to help you effectively support your child in controlling aggressive behavior.
Where Does Aggression Come From in Children: Common Causes
Aggression in children has various causes and often results from difficulties in coping with emotions. Here are the most common causes of aggression:
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Inability to express emotions – Children, especially younger ones, often cannot yet verbalize their feelings, which leads to them expressing frustration physically or aggressively.
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Stress and emotional overload – Life changes such as moving, changing nursery schools or the arrival of a sibling can cause stress, which a child expresses through aggression.
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Imitating Behavior – Children learn by observation. They may imitate aggressive behaviors they see in their peers, family, or the media.
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A misaligned nervous system – Some children have difficulty regulating their emotions due to sensory hypersensitivity, developmental issues, or an underdeveloped nervous system.
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Frustration from lack of control – Children who feel they have no control over their environment may react with aggression in response to feelings of helplessness.
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Health problems or pain – Some health problems, such as pain or neurological conditions, can cause more irritability and increase the risk of aggressive outbursts.
Understanding the causes of aggression in a child is the first step to effectively dealing with this problem.
What are effective methods of dealing with aggression?
Dealing with aggression in a child requires consistency, calmness and empathy. Here are some methods that can help reduce aggressive behavior:
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Set boundaries firmly but gently – The child needs to know the rules, but it’s worth explaining them without yelling or punishing. For example: “We don’t hit others because it hurts them. Tell me what upset you.”
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Pay attention to situations that trigger aggression – Notice when your child becomes aggressive, such as when sharing toys, in new situations, or after a day full of excitement. If you can see a pattern, it will be easier to react before an outburst.
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Teach alternative ways of expressing emotions – Help your child understand their emotions and learn to express them in words. You could say, “Instead of hitting, tell them you’re angry. Then I’ll understand how you feel.”
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Take a cool-down break – If your child is at the peak of their anger, it’s a good idea to offer them a cool-down break, for example by saying, “I know you’re upset. Let’s sit quietly for a moment and try to calm down.”
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Modeling behavior – Show your child how you deal with emotions. If you’re having a difficult day, you could say, “I feel tired today, so I need some peace and quiet.” Children learn by observing and are eager to imitate adults.
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Recognize positive behaviors – Notice and praise your child for times when they handle their emotions calmly. For example, “I see you told your sister what was upsetting you instead of yelling at her. I’m proud of you.”
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Introduce relaxation techniques – Teach your child simple calming techniques, such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or using special sensory toys to calm them down.
How to teach your child to express emotions without aggression
By teaching your child to express their emotions in a constructive way, we can help them cope better with stress and frustration. Here are some ways to help:
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Talk about emotions – Use words that describe feelings, such as “angry,” “frustrated,” or “sad.” A child who understands how to label their emotions can more easily express them without being aggressive. You can ask, “Are you sad right now?” or “Do you feel angry?”
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Teach empathy – Help your child understand how their behavior affects others. You could say, “Did you notice that when you hit your friend, he felt sad? Let’s find a way to express anger without hurting others.”
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Drawing Emotions – Drawing is a great way for younger children to express their emotions. You could suggest that they draw what they are feeling or create a picture of what is making them angry.
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Establish safe ways to release energy – Sometimes a child needs a physical way to express emotions. You can suggest games that require movement, such as running, jumping on a trampoline or hitting a pillow – this allows them to release tension without hurting others.
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Building Problem-Solving Skills – Help your child find ways to solve problems that frustrate them. Ask, “What might help you feel better?” or “Can we work together to figure out what to do when you feel angry?”
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Reading books about emotions – There are many books for children that describe emotions and show how to deal with them. Such stories can help a child understand that emotions are natural, but how we express them is important.
When is it worth seeking help from a specialist?
Aggression in children is a natural stage of development, but if its intensity or frequency exceeds the norm or affects the daily functioning of the child and family, it is worth seeking help from a specialist. Below are the signs that it is time to consult a child psychologist:
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The aggression is intense and lasts a long time – If the outbursts of anger are very intense or last a long time and seem to be getting worse, it may be a sign that the child needs support.
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Aggression affects social relationships – If a child’s aggressive behavior leads to problems in relationships with peers, siblings or other adults, professional help may be necessary.
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The child has difficulty controlling emotions in various situations – When aggressive behavior occurs both at home and at kindergarten or school, it may indicate difficulties in regulating emotions.
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Aggression occurs for no apparent reason – If a child expresses aggression for no apparent reason or is disproportionately mean in response to minor frustrations, it is worth seeking advice from a psychologist.
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Aggressive patterns in younger children – Younger children sometimes express anger more physically, but if the behaviors are frequent, long-lasting, or particularly intense, a psychologist can help your child develop better ways to cope with their emotions.
Summary
Dealing with aggression in children requires understanding the causes, patience, and consistency. Learning alternative ways of expressing emotions, fostering empathy, and using relaxation techniques are key elements of an effective approach. However, if the child's aggressive behavior is intense or long-lasting, it is worth consulting a child psychologist who will help find the cause of the problem and develop an action plan together with the parents.
On the Guliwerkids.pl blog you will find more tips on how to support your child's emotional and social development and cope with various parenting challenges.
